The Necessary Restoration
by theleague-ofshadows
Summary: The lightsaber is broken, and Rey requires guidance if she hopes to repair it. But the unstable nature of the broken Kyber crystal cannot be restored without the proper ventilation. And it doesn't help that Kylo Ren knows how to fix it, and that the bond seems to become more physical with every passing day.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** : I really want the novelization to know what was going on in Rey's head when she woke up after their tug-of-war battle with the lightsaber in Snoke's lair, but until then I have to make my own conclusions.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **The Necessary Restoration**

Chapter 1: Omnipresent

* * *

When Rey opened her eyes, she saw embers falling once more, and the ringing in her ears hummed like a soft lullaby. She felt the consequences of what felt like an eruption and her dazed mind began to recall the room, deep red in its color and widely spherical. Lethargy was weighing her down, but something was awakening once more, revitalizing her, flushing under her skin and through her body, causing her muscles to twitch and reanimate.

The energy danced through her to the tips of her fingers, and when she fully came to, she knew what was done could not be undone. For Luke's lightsaber was shattered, torn apart by the force of them, and Ben had wanted the past to evaporate and be erased. These were two very transfixed truths. Things that simply could not be reversed or repaired, which she concluded somberly.

But the past was what shaped her. It was what shaped Kylo. It was what would shape the future. To deny it the opportunity was to renounce logic.

But she had never seen Ben so desperate… _Please_ …

Rey exhaled with a weak sound of effort, her body slowly and nimbly turning so that she might shift her weight enough to sit, and eventually stand. Her fingers curled at her side and she pushed enough to do just so, before her head turned slightly to glance at him across the way.

Ben's body was a mass of tumbled black linens and unruly raven waves of hair. Strands of it covered his closed eyes, and the sweat matted it to his skin, making his face look considerably more distressed. He had tumbled far from her, and far from the remains of the broken lightsaber.

Soft eyes fell upon the one hinged to his belt, and for a moment she could remember what it felt like to grip it as if her own, the hilt dwarfing her small hands, while the instability of the crystal hummed in her ear like a rasp and igniting emotions in her like a surge.

Rey kept her gaze firm, wondering perhaps if he too would wake once more, and what would happen then. But he remained still, his body only moving slightly with the rise and fall of his breathing amidst the constant silence. Yes…what _would_ happen next?

 _Join me._

She winced as she stood, her posture wobbling as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

 _Rey…I want you to—_

A low rumble brought her out of her reverie, her eyes flicking over to the magnifying dome, and witnessed yet another escape shuttle as it became engulfed in flames. She darted closer, moving to a degree that only marginally weighed the pain against her in her efforts for urgency.

She needed to leave and help her friends. She couldn't sit idly by, she wouldn't turn her back on them for his promises of…of regality and…companionship…and…

She pondered her nerves alight with anxiety at the thought of his extended hand and his proposal. Because Ben Solo had come forth, and she had seen him in a composed form unlike any other; a mold of true character foreign to his agonistic behavior. _Ben Solo will turn,_ and she believed it.

But Kylo Ren had shadowed Ben, as he always had, and denied his existence, as he always _would_. She couldn't entertain his ideas for the future. At least, not when she understood the failures of the past. And the dangers of denying them.

His reality had become new. His loyalties were once mirrored in the extent of Snoke, and his act of killing him he believed enough to sway her loyalties to tie to _him_. But it was Ben Solo she wished to solicit. And it was Ben Solo Kylo wished to snuff out.

She couldn't save him. _She_ wouldn't.

Rey wiped sloppily at her wet cheeks, trying to swallow the weight in her throat from the pain as she knelt slowly to gather the remains of the lightsaber, the one split in two, and examined it briefly as she rose to stand once more.

She was still holding on. He was right. But as she looked at him, the memory of his hand extended to her in an offer to join him, and...well…she wasn't entirely convinced he had let go either. She wouldn't entertain his idea of what it meant to unite.

She left him there, and the embers continued to fall.

* * *

The visions of her were becoming clearer than those that came before them, her presence could be felt at a great distance with no delayed effort. But as he examined her, and vice versa, he noticed her eyes seemed to deaden and deny themselves of any empathy she might have shown him before. She closed the door to the Falcon and she was gone, no longer vivid before him, somewhere far beyond his physical reach.

Kylo looked down to the dice in his palm, and watched them fade away before he curled his fingers into a tight ball.

Standing swiftly, and turning on his heel, he exited the control room.

 _So…this is what it has come to then_.

* * *

The lightsaber halves felt a heavy burden in her palms. They seemed trivial in her pursuit to rebuild all that she had lost.

It was true that she could rebuild the lightsaber should she find the necessary parts. She was quite able in the business of mending things, especially from her experience on Jakku. But this felt different. She felt less hopeful. She felt less inclined to begin.

Finn was adjacent from her seated position, attending to a girl she hadn't seen before. She watched him behaving almost hospitable, furthermore caring and concerned. It made her stomach twist slightly, flushing her mind with fresh memories that she tried to push away.

She watched him cautiously, but earnestly, imagining all the things she could have had. All the things _he_ had offered her.

Leia sat down beside Rey, and she looked up, feeling the sting of her body's resistance to the emotions. She mustered enough strength to smile, and Leia did the same. Rey addressed Master Luke.

Leia had already lost so much, but she wasn't afraid. Peace and purpose, those emotions were the truth. She faced what she knew to be the truth. It was time Rey did the same.

And so, when Rey asked how they could rebuild, Leia assured her they had all they needed to do so, tightly gripping one end of the shattered lightsaber.

* * *

Finding the necessary parts to begin mending the lightsaber was a much more difficult task than Rey had initially presumed. It seemed to her the lightsaber almost didn't _want_ to be repaired. Wasn't a Jedi meant to have the pieces called to them, and found without such utter _difficulty_?

She would have to make do with what she found, which wasn't much, and work with patience, which was wearing just as thin. But she found time to work on it, when she was alone, secluding herself away in a small cave of the shore of a beach by the base, where the only sound she heard was her own thoughts.

The crystal was undamaged enough to build something new around it, but when she finally had enough parts to assemble the revised hilt and cautiously ignited the beam, she found it hissed and crackled with a violent, familiar sound, and it heated the metal so quickly that she had to drop the weapon before it burned her hand severely.

She quickly reached out, channeling enough power in the Force to switch off the beam, before she stared at it, dumbfounded. That sound was so undeniably familiar, that she couldn't prepare herself for the conclusion she made, and her body went stiff with the revelation. The beam of her revised lightsaber sounded just as unstable as Kylo Ren's.

She concluded that it was not wise to wield a weapon of such instability, and she left it alone for some time to allow the metal to properly cool so she might hold it once more. But her frustration lingered, making her all the more aware that she couldn't consult Master Luke for guidance. Especially when she needed answers the most.

She huffed loudly with irritation, wanting to disassemble the saber in one swift motion, but settled for tightening her fist until her knuckles whitened, wincing after remembering her tender skin.

She debated asking around in search of answers, but who would she ask? Who out there would have the answers—

She felt her thoughts drifting and she stopped herself before she could entertain the questions she would ask, and the _person_ to whom she would ask them.

Suddenly, feeling as if she was being examined, she turned quickly…looking for the only person she knew to come around unannounced. But alas, she was alone.

She formed a thin line with her lips, kneeling to retrieve the lightsaber for it had cooled off enough to touch once more. She shifted her weight to stand again and found her way back towards the cave entrance.

The crackling sound of the beam still lingered in her thoughts as she begrudgingly wondered how Kylo Ren had built his, hoping her newly learned defenses were strong enough to keep those thoughts to herself. It was then that she noticed the imprints in the sand, impressions of what looked like….footprints.

* * *

He hadn't allowed himself the time or the opportunity for distracting himself with thoughts of her since they had left the Rebel base on Crait. But he couldn't always _help_ it.

The First Order was not a collected Empire, and that was the first thing Kylo decided to begin to change, upon his newly ascended position as Supreme Leader. Infiltrate a new system of power and incorporate better operated bases to accommodate the growing fleet, as more and more alliances were formed.

When he began, he had merely wanted to snuff out the Resistance. But his ambitions had grown into something more. He was understanding, deeper, the extent of his power as he reigned. And his hunger was not yet satiated.

It was a slow process, and one that took up most of his attention. He could not be plagued with distractions.

He looked down at the map beneath his palms, when, suddenly, the atmosphere became increasingly dense and humid. A soft ringing in his ears droned until he heard something else…His eyes darted upward, knowing what the shifting sensation implied, and braced himself. His eyes searching what looked like a cave, searched until he turned and they fell on her, her body rigid with shock. She quickly dropped what he assumed was her mended version of Luke's lightsaber to the ground.

Ren felt a sharp pain in his palm and immediately flinched, gripping his right wrist, tightly. He looked down at his hand…it stung as if… _burned_.

She was frantic as he stood there, witnessing her lips part in shock and her arm raise to channel enough power to switch off the beam without having to touch the scalding metal encasing the weapon.

He had begun to announce his presence, when the he remembered the sound; the hissing, tempered noise the beam had made, and it caused his whole body to pause, turning his gaze down at the new formed saber.

 _Had it just_ —

He began moving forward, seeking, when he looked up and found he was no longer in the cave. His environment the same as it was just moments prior. The strategy room greatly contrasted in color and width and occupants.

But the sand that made an unpleasant crunch beneath his boots along the tile was just the same.

He curled his fist tightly, not remembering the stinging skin of his hand, which made him wince. His eyes casting themselves downward as he brought his hand to examine at eye level, trying to fathom the consequences of her injuries on his skin.

A voice provoked his attention.

"Supreme Leader, all is prepared for your voyage…shall we commence?"

Kylo looked up, before slowly giving a firm nod of approval and dismissal. When the messenger had left, he looked down at his palm once more, before carefully curling his fingers in.

The sound of the refurbished lightsaber, the unstable hiss lingering in his ears.

* * *

"Well, _what else_ can we do to prepare?"

The question seemed pivotal in negotiating the terms at hand, but Finn shook his head fervently at her.

"No, no you see, our best bet is to rally our troops and set up base where we can. Which for now is _here_. We tried relaying out a distress signal on Crait, it didn't help. There's no one out there we can go persuade in a timely manner, especially not when the First Order is becoming more established in organized government. We need to build from what we have."

Rey opened her mouth to protest when Poe interjected.

"We can't begin separating our forces…and we need you, Rey." He looked at her, his gaze softening, "We need to start seeing the bigger picture. General Organa knows what she's doing."

Rey nodded, "I don't doubt it, Poe. I just—"

"Look, let's not worry about leaving just yet." Finn said softly, whispering. "We just got you back."

Rey lowered her eyes at that, feeling almost ashamed. She had been gone so long. She had missed everything. "You're right. I'm sorry."

Finn patted her shoulder, and looked on somberly, before he composed himself and lifted his spirits. Making small conversation to side-step the subject and move on.

Rey smiled weakly, only mumbling something in response when the conversation was directed at her. She just couldn't understand it…a distress signal sent from Leia Organa undoubtedly should have prompted a response, of any kind. But the fact that she found out that no one had come to assist the Resistance during the Battle of Crait, despite the signal being reached at multiple points…it just…

What allies did they have out there, if not the allies of General Organa? She couldn't blame the urgency of the matter as a reason no one showed up…because that was not the case in the past.

The Resistance was low on members, and lacking hope. They took up refuge on an alliance planet called Corellia; the home planet of Han Solo. Leia thought it a strategic move, seeing as it was the administrative center for its entire sector and it was synonymous as an industrial world. It could provide them a safe place to rebuild.

But the fleet was barely even a fleet. The Resistance would be crushed under the First Order within days with the amount of members they possessed, especially as _he_ deftly was establishing his supremacy more and more into society. She—

"Rey, are you feeling okay?"

Finn's question caused Rey to focus once again, her eyes finding his and taking a minute to adjust her thoughts back to him.

"Uh, yeah…why?" She tried to smile something reassuring.

Finn leaned closer, his eyes plagued with concern. "You're sweating."

Rey blinked, confused. "What?" She lifted her hand to wipe her forehead and felt the moisture and the _heat_.

She looked at her glistening fingers and frowned, about to utter something when Finn reached up abruptly and touched the back of his fingers to her forehead.

"Rey, you're burning up!" He stepped back to examine her.

"Oh," Rey began. "I..uh..I don't know how that happened." She began wiping her face with her sleeve, suddenly feeling rather uncomfortable and warm.

"You need to lie down." Finn urged.

"We can escort you to the Med Bay." Poe offered, but Rey shook her head.

"No need. You're right Finn. I…I think I just need to rest. Excuse me." She gave a soft look of reassurance before she made her way to her makeshift residency aboard the base, thankful that they chose to respect her decision.

The perspiration caused the hairs to cling to her neck and forehead, leaving her with an uncomfortable sensation as it tickled her skin. She felt so _warm,_ the atmosphere around her feeling thick and condensed.

She crept inside her residency, letting the door slide behind her to latch. She wanted to rip her clothes from her skin, let the air touch it instead. She wiped her face with the back of her wrist, muttering in annoyance as she walked over to the fresher and twisted the knob of the water basin to let the stream begin flowing. Cupping her hands, she splashed the water and wiped rather furiously at her skin, splaying her fingers to reach the far edges by her temple.

She turned off the water, lifting her face and reaching for a towel, lightly dabbing the droplets away. Her skin felt refreshed, but the atmosphere remained thick and warm.

She moved from the fresher, lightly brushing the towel against the hairs she had dampened from the water as she sat on the edge of her cot.

She needed to slow down, and search her body for answers. If she wasn't feeling well, her body would let her know why…she just had to listen. She closed her eyes and relaxed her breathing.

 _I'm ready to understand_ …

She sat like that for minutes, her mind in a slow, meditative state, before a soft ringing formulated in her ears, and she opened her eyes.

Her body shot up so quickly, she very nearly lost her balance. Her eyes searching around frantically, taking in the molten, orange liquid that surrounded the black shoreline her feet were planted on. She was no longer on Corellia, or if she was, she was _far_ from the base.

The fumes and heat waves rippled off the ground and practically burned her skin. The heat a much different temperature and temperament than the Jakku desert.

She turned, her pulse quickening and her movements becoming frenzied when she suddenly locked eyes with _him_ , Kylo Ren, his expression just as confused and frantic as hers.

He was just up the shoreline, his body rigid from the shock of her presence.

Her breath caught in her throat.

Kylo made no delay of reaching for his lightsaber, and Rey fumbled at her waistline, only to remember the condition of hers. He inched forward, slowly, igniting his weapon and keeping it low. He stopped when he was close enough. She knew fleeing wasn't an option. She had to be smart.

"What is this place?" Rey offered her question in an effort to stall, her eyes leaving the bright red of his weapon to shift to address the molten liquid that licked the shoreline with flames.

Kylo paused, his movements stilled. He couldn't hide his surprise. "You can see it?"

Rey nodded, slowly. Her voice small and filled with panic. "Where are we?"

He seemed dumbfounded, "Before…before we could just see each other…" His eyes locked onto hers, curiosity pulsing through him. "I wonder if…"

Her reality shifted, and suddenly she was back in the base on Corellia, and he was there too. She calmed slightly, her surroundings familiar once more, but her eyes flashed to his. His lightsaber was still ignited, the sound filling the room, sounding harsher than before. He silenced it, gripping the hilt sternly.

"Ah…yes." He murmured, his eyes finding hers again. "I can see yours too."

Rey didn't know what to do. She stepped backwards. "What was that place?" She asked again. Watching helplessly as he inched closer to her.

Kylo narrowed his eyes. "What is _this_ place?"

"Why could I _feel_ it?" Her tone harsher than before. "I don't understand—"

"Where are you?" He pressed, ignoring her, his eyes scanning the room for any indicating signs. Rey panicked, not willing to risk what he might find, when suddenly the environment changed again, placing her back engulfed in the heat of the planet. Kylo looked up in annoyance, his face beginning to darken.

She eyed his lightsaber, still gripped tightly in his hand and her fingers twitched, feeling more vulnerable and susceptible to harm without hers. Kylo moved forward, now merely steps away, his looming presence peering down at her. Rey found she couldn't inch away without touching the flames.

"Your lightsaber…" He started, his eyes inspecting her face as he stepped forward. "You can't fix it, can you?"

He was so _close_. His hair was matted to his skin from the sweat, as she was sure hers was as well. She felt her jaw instinctually clench as her eyes kept his gaze. "No." she stated simply, swallowing her initial embarrassment at her incompetence to glare at him.

His eyes shifted quickly after a long look at her, before nodding slowly. And once more, he stood before her, but on Corellia, her body leaning from him, but her legs trapped by the frame of the cot. The edge grazing the backs of her thighs. She twisted her head to look behind her, any further movement backwards and she would fall into it.

Turning her head back to look at Kylo, his face was closer than before, engulfing her vision. She could smell the scent of him, charcoal mixed with sweat and exhaustion and greed. And somehow, she could feel the electricity emitting off of him like static, increasing with each moment that passed.

"That's a shame." He said, finally, the sentiment spoken in a deep, brazen tone and practically vibrating in her bones, as his breath could be felt against her face. "I can."

He stepped back, never breaking her gaze. She took a moment to straighten her posture and solidly inhale, her eyes not being able to resist locating her lightsaber across the room. She turned her gaze back to where Kylo was, but he had vanished.

She sat slowly, her skin still radiating from the phantom warmth that vanished the second that he did.

He was baiting her…taunting her with his knowledge and capabilities. But her curiosity was alight and vivid within her…and she dared to admit that she considered letting him help.

But only briefly.

She would have to face what that revelation meant in her own time. For now, she couldn't help but feel transfixed by the fact that he had been here, he had seen her world, and she had felt his breath lightly caressing her face from the proximity in which he had just stood, while his actual presence remained planets away. And she wondered, what this bond was becoming, and how much closer he could truly get to her from such a distance.

* * *

 **A/N** : I very strongly believe that if Kylo Ren does not take up base in Mustafar in Episode IX, I will protest until I die.

This will be a multi-chapter series and I will update soon!

Until next time...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Back at it with my favorite two angst fueled force sensitives, resisting the honest to god true love and understanding they feel for each other with longing stares and close proximity standing because I just work that way.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **The Necessary Restoration**

Chapter 2: The Plan

* * *

The second attempt at restoring the lightsaber was easier, though furthermore a failure. Rey had welded and molded the scrap metal of the hilt to form vents that would eject the heat upward and away from her hand when she wielded the beam. Her thought process being that by doing so, she could avoid another scalding imprint on her palm.

Rey eyed the small crystal, a thin but prominent crack dividing what would otherwise be a perfectly solid stone, and noted the discoloration. She held her breath as she set up the required pieces in ordinance, hoping that this time she wouldn't leave martyring herself with injury.

She reached out, raising her palms and hovering over the disassembled pieces as she let the Force flow through her, slowly closing her eyes and riding on her trust in her ability to _get it right._

She didn't know how she knew that all the parts would assemble by doing it, but when she opened her eyes again, she found all the parts fit properly, finding their way to become what they were meant to be. Rey smiled in triumph, though she kept her excitement from distracting her at the task at hand. It wasn't over yet.

She hesitantly reached out and gripped the new hilt, finding it wedged more snugly in her palm than the last version. She had customized it to have a similar detailing in grip as her staff, finding her way back to the familiarity and comfort of it without really understanding that she was doing it.

She stood to brace herself, not yet giving up on the hope of her revised version, but not chancing her previous position on the floor and her unstable grip as the variables of another failed attempt. She squared her shoulders, and looked down at the lightsaber with caution.

It was now or never.

She flicked the switch quickly before she could stop herself, expecting to hear that same nasty hiss, but instead heard… _nothing_. Her eyes quickly darted down, as she reached to tap the unignited saber with the heel of her palm, the rattling becoming more profuse as Rey's frustration increased.

Another more forceful hit finally surged the beam into existence and Rey stumbled backwards, the beam shifting from a hiss to a furious cracking noise, and sparks of forced embers from the ruined beam began spitting out from the hilt and painfully landing all along Rey's arm.

Rey cried out, dropping the saber as she had the first time, and quickly backed away from it when her feet caught a rock below and she fell, her body impacting the coarse sand below her.

Quickly leaning her body upward so that she could fully sit up, she extended her arm and mustered enough energy to switch off the beam. Resting her elbows on her knees, her eyes made no delay of drifting down to her arm, the soft fabric of her sleeve blackened in spots where the embers had fallen and burned, and her wrist stung where the sparks had touched her skin.

She felt her resolve faltering, her teeth having to clench to keep her from crying. But she let her head fall into her palms and let herself sob despite her begrudging manner. It was no use. What a wasted—

"The sooner you admit you need my help, the sooner your inflicted injuries will stop affecting the _both_ of us," a voice hissed suddenly, and Rey's head shot up at the sound of him. The cave flushed with increased warmth to match the humidity, his presence inevitably bringing his environment with him.

Kylo was pulling his glove from his hand, glaring at her as he watched her quickly rise to her feet. She curled her fists so tightly that she had to tell herself to forget the pain of her new inflicted wounds. Her tears still stained her cheeks, much to her embarrassment.

"Get out of my head," she replied through clenched teeth, her eyes narrowing. She had no time to handle his incessant nagging, and he had witnessed another _failed_ attempt. Just looking at him roused something dangerous within her…

"I _would_ ," Kylo countered with equal annoyance. His eyes taking a minute to examine her, his voice taming slightly as he continued. "But you keep getting hurt…and I…well, I keep _feeling_ it."

Rey didn't know what to say to that. Her eyes drifted back down to the lightsaber. Then to his pale hand as he flexed and examined it. The damage was minimum because of the gloves' protection, but he still had felt the consequences of her attempt and Rey tried to fathom _how_.

"I'm trying to fix the mess _you_ made," she whispered, a tear dangerously close to escaping and betraying her resolve.

Kylo gazed at her, his face tensing, darkening. "I made?" his tone almost mocking her, but he turned his eyes down, shaking his head, seeming not brave enough to taunt her fully.

Kylo was a looming presence, a tense atmosphere circling him and entering hers the longer he stood with her. She wished he hadn't seen her cry. It wasn't as if she hadn't shown him her vulnerability before, but this time was different. They weren't on the same side _. Not anymore_. Her weakness was an indication that he had something to manipulate. Something to take from her.

The silence was profound, but soon he made no delay of bringing up what she didn't want to address.

"I could have shown you… _everything_ ," his words caused her to look up at him again, him taking a step closer, his expression determined. But there was something else— "Joining me would have meant you would have never had a mess to fix."

His eyes drifted down to the lightsaber then back at her. Something in them still urging her to see the truth in his words.

Her stomach plummeted. His stone face trying to hide what was there from her, but only reflected the man she once knew, this version just…pained, and _angry_. His eyes clouded once more, and his stance straightened. He turned bitter quickly.

"But you still think me a monster. After all I have shown you…After all I have _done_."

His words reminding her of Han Solo, of Starkiller, of Crait and the attempted decimation of the Resistance.

"No," Kylo replied, however, his eyes wandering along her face, her thoughts clearly not kept secret from him. "Not that."

Rey felt uncomfortable under his gaze, her thoughts beginning to flood with Snoke sliced apart on his lair floor, an extended hand amidst the embers, a team to defend themselves with red and blue no longer fighting against each other but _with_ each other, a shift of brown eyes filled with doubt in the lift as she stepped closer, a hand _that night_ that barely grazed her own but showing her all she needed to see.

Rey looked down, and shook her head. He was trying to relate Kylo's demons with his Ben's virtue and she never knew he could be so _lost_. She hadn't realized her eyes welled once more with tears, finding another rolled down her cheek.

"Kylo Ren is the monster," she turned away from him, not having noted how close he had become, and maneuvered her body around his artificial presence, so that she could go to carefully pick up the lightsaber. He watched her.

"I had faith in Ben Solo," she winced at saying the name and at her use of the past tense, her fingertips burning remembering the phantom touch back on Ahch-To, or perhaps it was the still heated hilt she gripped. She had brought him into her world that night, and not the other way around. The pull was working. Ben had been yearning, coming forth once more, she could _feel_ it.

If he had sensed her thoughts again, she wasn't sure. But his next sentiment felt…less aggressive. It was exposed and willing, if possible.

"Let me help you," he must have whispered it, or spoken it in such a low tone that Rey mistook it for vulnerability.

He was still trying, ignoring all the foundation for which she had built. Rey looked into his eyes, hers softening against her better judgement. He had noticed, and his hand twitched, to which she presumed he wished to hold it out to her again, but he refrained. She noticed _that_ about him. How his initial reaction was always shadowed by the darkness that resisted what Ben Solo truly wanted.

"Let _who_ help me?" she challenged as she turned fully to face him, not caring that her tone accused him. "Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order"—saying it with such _disagreement_ she had to tighten her grip around the lightsaber—"or Ben? Our last hope…our Ben."

She had meant for the last part to sound as if Ben belonged, still, to the light side of the Force. But her words, as clear as they had been, felt more to her like she had indicated that Ben was _hers_ …her last hope. She didn't know how to correct herself, or even if she could.

She watched his resolve flicker with uncertainty, though he tried to hide it. His eyes shifted, and she dared to conclude that he was deciding _who_ for himself, if only for a brief moment. His face softening just enough to humble himself for her to notice his pain. But It didn't last long. His eyes returned to her, and whatever thoughts surfacing in his mind were not ones that helped her cause, for he had stiffened his posture once more, his eyes become hard, as all evidence of self-reflection had disappeared.

Rey nodded, packing the lightsaber away. Tired of understanding the same truth, each time hurting her more than the last.

"Goodbye."

She didn't check to see if he was still behind her as she left.

* * *

The lava from the volcanos of Mustafar erupted and raged something horrifying, but did not compare to the fury of the state of mind she had left him in, and the thoughts she had forced him to contemplate.

Kylo glanced down at his palm, uncurling it to reveal the damaged glove, the embers having eaten away at the material, and he damned her entire _righteous_ presence. Her accusations rid him of his morbid manner. Now, he was _angry_.

She couldn't even begin to fathom what her questions were clawing at. He wouldn't let her sink so deep into his morality, as if she would even understand it, and try to make amends. She had lost all privilege to it when she denied the existence of their connection and mutual understanding to run back to what came before.

And she had proven she showed no interest.

The slightest inconveniences became reasons to express his power, and his crew was on top alert for his whereabouts to avoid such instances. He dwelled in their fear, letting it feed his reassurance of his decisions. Of his personal stance regarding his character.

They were _wise_ to fear him.

He entered the roundtable chamber just as the final members of the Knights of Ren were properly seated, and strode over.

"Let's begin."

* * *

Leia knew, of course. She didn't approve, but that didn't stop Rey from reassuring her of her purpose and the weight of her decision to be justified to her reasons. And Leia had faith in the Force.

There were allies out there, and there were young individuals who were _sensitive_ to the Force. When Luke returned to the Force after Crait, he carried with him a firm belief. _I will not be the last Jedi…._ Rey had felt it in her bones. Leia did too, and that helped Rey's cause.

After Rey had informed her of her plan to leave, Leia warned Rey to only advance with the mission if and only if she stayed in contact with the Corellian Resistance base, and checked in daily with reports. All were terms with which she had agreed to, seeing as it would still put her in contact with her friends and comrades, but allow her the opportunity to find her purpose in the Force, as Luke had after the fall of the Empire.

Though, she couldn't fathom being knowledgeable enough to lead an academy and train them to be Jedi like Luke had, when she herself hadn't even completed her training. And with a broken lightsaber.

"Still have your beacon?" Leia asked.

Rey nodded. Leia smiled and squeezed Rey's hand firmly.

"Be safe."

Rey embraced Leia softly, smiling sadly into the shoulder of Leia's jacket. When she let go, she let her eyes fall and turned as she left.

"Rey,"

She turned to glance at Leia, figuring she would send her off with a soft sentiment, _may the Force be with you…._ But Leia's face looked pained, her eyes guarded.

"Don't be led astray," she said, finally.

Rey's expression turned, inquiring, just as Leia turned to return to her business.

 _Be wary of my son_ , she meant.

* * *

"I hope you can make do with what you have, there really wasn't much I could find around the base," Finn handed Rey a small box of scrap metal and excess, giving her a hopeful smile.

Rey nodded, hoping her expression looked as thankful as she felt. "It'll do. Besides, I'm not sure the pieces I've already used are the problem," her thoughts drifting to the kyber crystal.

"Have the texts mentioned anything?" Finn offered, sitting beside Rey.

She shook her head slowly, "Nothing yet." And they wouldn't, she presumed. Even if they did have the knowledge of how to repair lightsabers, Rey was sure they wouldn't have information of how to repair one with a cracked crystal. She really was alone in figuring it out.

Well, not _entirely_. Maybe—

Her expression darkened, her hope faltering as she let her thoughts drift in such a direction, when Finn gripped her hand suddenly.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes searching hers. She knew what he was referring to.

"Oh, yeah. I'm well," she scratched her neck, nervously, not knowing how to explain why she had looked so ill the last time they met. "It was nothing serious."

Finn nodded, his eyes examining her arm, noticing the pink blemishes from the sparks on her skin. "This is getting dangerous, Rey. You keep hurting yourself."

Rey retracted her arm. "I'm fine. I've dealt with worse," she didn't mean for it to sound so defensive, but Finn looked up and his expression looked a bit quizzical at her tone.

"We don't need the lightsaber to fight this battle, you know…We just need each other…and the Force. You can lift boulders and fling them at the First Order."

Rey laughed, finding his interpretations of how the Force worked as comical as Luke had when he first met her. "Sure. But I can't do it alone."

"You're not still thinking of leaving, are you?"

The change of topic startled her and Rey looked at him, pausing for a moment, thinking back to their last conversation the day prior. And her plans to move ahead.

It was true, she wasn't being useful. But she _could_ be. And that sickened her.

She knew there were allies out there. There were brave individuals who wanted to fight the oppression. She knew she wasn't the only one who had something _awakened_ within her. She could teach them what Luke had taught her, she could try…If just to notify them that they were not, in fact, _alone_.

But she looked back at Finn, and in his eyes was a home, the Resistance was a home. Leaving when they needed her most, she shouldn't entertain such thoughts. She had a family with them, she had found her belonging. And yet, she didn't have everything. She still had a void, something missing, not yet placating her.

Finn looked on, his eyes urgent and Rey knew the response she needed to give. But it was not one she could give without transfixing her with anxiety.

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes not leaving his.

Finn shifted his gaze from one eye to the other, fully taking in her pleading expression. It was silent for quite some time before he had finally responded.

"Then I'm coming with you."

Rey lowered her eyes and shook her head. "You can't Finn. Your place is with the Resistance. With Poe, with…." she trailed off, her thoughts drifting to the girl on the Falcon, the one he had taken such precise care of.

"Rose," he finished for her, his eyes falling as well. Rose had fallen into a comatose state from her injuries, the Med Bay was diligently doing their best to keep her vitals stable, but Finn had spent almost all of his time visiting and checking on her. Keeping an eye on her progress.

"And with you," he corrected. His eyes not letting her disregard their friendship for less than what it was. She meant so much to him. If only he could fathom her admiration for him as well. And how much that meant to her.

"Yeah," Rey nodded, letting her smile reach her eyes. "But they need you. The Resistance needs the same fighter who rebelled against the First Order, and was willing to die to save his friends."

"We have a few of those," Finn agreed, looking up, his gaze still firm but Rey knew her words had their impact. Rose had just about died saving him, nearly sacrificing herself for the cause.

"And you could come with me and try to keep me from harm, but I…I can't give you that same attention. That can't be my mission, Finn. I have to focus on why I'm doing this. I have to find others…like me. Those with the Resistance, and ready to fight."

Finn opened his mouth to protest, but Rey kept going.

"And how are you going to feel when she wakes up and you're not there?" Rey looked up at him. "I know all too well what that feels like."

Rey looked at Finn sadly, recalling the many days she spent worrying about Finn on Ahch-To, and the many times she despised herself for leaving him behind, especially in the condition he was left in.

"I can't let you do this alone," Finn replied.

Rey shook her head, her smile weak but reassuring. "Soon, I _won't_ be."

Finn looked down, his eyes finding the ground. Soon she wouldn't be alone, not alone in understanding what burden she carried with the Force. Something he had no knowledge of.

Finn was left deciding for a long while, his face reflecting his options and how those options roused something in him. But ultimately, he agreed with Rey. His head falling as he sighed in defeat. He looked up at her and she gave him another smile. He nodded.

"When do you leave?"

"In the morning," she replied.

Finn nodded, rising and offering her his hand to stand as well. She took it.

"At least take Poe," he offered as they exited her quarters, and Rey laughed. Genuinely laughed.

"I couldn't steal him away from the oncoming battle, even if I _tried_."

* * *

 _I'll destroy her_ ….and he was very nearly sure he meant it.

It wasn't the anger that provoked the sentiment, it was sure recognition. If he were to further down the path he chose, he would have no other choice. Continuing on meant destruction would inevitably follow, and she had made her decision clear as well, allowing him the opportunity to no longer confuse her loyalties, since they didn't belong to him.

She had chosen not to join him, not to listen to him, not to let him help her…

Greed and ambition had clouded his vision, giving him an alternate sense of purpose following Snoke and his demise. And he would be lying if he were to say that neither her presence or soft _echoing_ voice calling his name might have been enough to change even that. But her eyes, filled with tears, only motivated him further to leave behind the pain and misfortunes of their burdens, and move forward. Take grip of what _they_ wanted, not what they were told to want.

Didn't she _see_ that?

She didn't agree. She would rather continue her disappointment and allow the world to abandon her, than to allow herself to be selfish, to allow herself to admit that she might want acceptance and _purpose_ …with him, even.

Kylo had curled his hand into a stiff fist, glaring intently out into space, at the bare wall of the chamber he resided.

The castle wasn't what he had hoped to find, and he was disappointed for having had such wasteful _faith_. He had hoped to find answers, somewhere hidden in the miserable atmosphere of his once villainous grandfather's temple, but all he could reflect upon was his own misery and doubt.

He had hoped to solidify his purpose.

His soiled thoughts would make a martyr of him, not allowing him the pleasure of feeling triumphant even in his own mind. He gripped the edge of the bedding tightly, demanding his thoughts to focus on anything else. But his resolve was slipping.

His mind was filled with the unstable hiss of the blue lightsaber, and the fact that it bothered him so _damn_ much was beyond his understanding. Her inability to fix the weapon shouldn't have been such a nuisance, but the fact that it brought him into her world…

It was telling, the circumstances that connected them. The lightsaber would remain broken until there was the necessary restoration of a _different_ kind. The beam would hiss with the instability regardless of that restoration, and it would reflect its true opposed in all ways, as it was to be its equal. Progress could not be made without the intelligence and willingness of both minds that continued to resist the other.

"It _would_ be easier to start over."

Her voice startled Kylo, and he lifted his head quickly to find himself in _her_ chambers. Across the way, the girl was kneeling by the BB droid, turned away from him, her hand firmly gripping her staff to balance herself. "But I can't waste time. I need to work with what I have."

Kylo stood, his motions quiet but not silent enough to escape her. Rey turned her head over her shoulder and froze. A moment passed before she turned back to BB-8, and proceeded to stand.

"Can you relay that message back to Poe?"

BB-8 made soft sounds of approval before rolling past her and out the entryway, the door sliding to shut.

Rey turned her eyes to where Kylo stood, his eyes never having left her.

"What do you want?" she asked, much quieter than she had intended to.

She had grown accustom to Kylo moving closer, that it really shouldn't have affected her the way it did when he did again.

"You know what I want," he replied, his tone dangerously mitigated… _tempting_. He watched her watch him get closer, and he stopped when he was near enough to see the color of her eyes under the soft light, and witness the details of her face. His face softened slightly, and his dark eyes flickered between hers, reading whatever emotions were mirrored in her expression.

"Starting over _would_ be easier," he emphasized her previous words, watching her face as it shifted. She remembered his words in the red room with his hand stretched out to her.

"That not what I was referring to," she replied as she looked away.

"I'm aware," he addressed her response, giving her a moment to return her gaze to his. "Did he tell you how to find them?"

Rey's grip around her staff tightened. _No_ , Luke hadn't told her much of anything. But she knew there were more crystals out there, the text indicated that.

Kylo nodded, "of course not—"

"Why did you come here?" she interjected, her voice steely and annoyed. "I made myself clear, I don't want—"

"I know," he hissed, his shoulders squaring as something tense radiated off of him like a wave. "I'm not offering again."

Rey paused for a moment, her eyes examining him.

"Going to Ilum to find a new crystal would be a _waste_ of time and effort, and I figured you smarter than to just give up."

Rey narrowed her eyes, "did you hear me just now? I'm not going looking."

Kylo nodded, a dark expression forming, "of course. And it like your manner not to seek out the _truth_."

Rey looked ready to reply, but stopped, her speech halted by his sheer overconfident sentiment.

"If you were a Jedi of my time you would have participated in The Gathering, along the others. But you weren't, were you?" He stopped and looked at her.

Rey held her staff so tightly, she felt it imprint in her skin. "You insult me—"

"No, you don't get it," Kylo interrupted. "That lightsaber…It chose you."

Kylo was so close he had to look down at her. His tone softer than before, making him look much less intimidating, but still _overwhelming_. "It continues to choose you."

Rey bowed her head, shaking it. "You're wrong," her voice thick and foreign. She looked up again and he found she looked defeated. "It's resisting me."

He paused, allowing a moment to collect his thoughts, and her a moment to avoid any embarrassment. It astonished him that he still wished to spare her feelings, especially after she had ultimately damaged his.

He shifted his gaze around his new environment, noting that any scattered junk he had seen last time was nowhere to be found. He assumed she was trying to be strategic, not giving him the satisfaction of finding out where the base was based on the clues of her environment. But then he noticed the satchel by the door, and her staff in hand once more.

"You're leaving…" he noticed, something igniting behind his dark expression.

Rey turned her eyes back to his, and in them was his answer. She nodded, anyway.

Kylo watched her and frowned. She was leaving the Resistance. She would be alone—

He would have reached out and gripped her elbow, pulling her closer, letting his questions and inquiries and desires be known, not letting her _hide_ and deny him of it—But Kylo felt his fingers stiffen, resisting perhaps because he couldn't quite fathom what would happen if he did…

Rey could see his eyes and his conflict, and she stood still, hoping for any indication of a shift in morale. She knew what she would do if she did…

But Kylo kept his steadfast resolve, and shifted away. His eyes starting to fade from the yearning of what Ben wanted, and shaking his head.

"You won't find what you're looking for." He muttered, his voice varying.

Rey nodded, going to retrieve her satchel by the door before turning to look at him one last time. She figured he thought as much, but his assumptions she would prove were built on a _faulty_ foundation.

And furthermore, she had found that even in his poise, through all of the characteristics that made up his demeanor since the night he held out his hand and offered her his allegiance, and after since he became the Supreme Leader of the dreaded opposition of her cause were kept…but then…as he looked at her from where he stood, she was reminded of his eyes that night on Ahch-To, when he touched her fingers with his across lightyears, and showed her the true desires of Ben Solo, and what that could be…

"Goodbye, Ben."

He felt her presence fade away as she stepped out from the threshold of her room in the base on the distant unknown planet, and soon, just like a fleeting whisper, she and the base and everything was gone. He found his environment dark and gloom once more.

And he realized, as he looked over at his lightsaber through the dark room, thinking back to her words, that she had called him "Ben", still, and he tried to resist what that did to his resolve.

* * *

 **A/N:** Yeah, in this story, Kylo is lounging in Darth Vader's castle, probably wearing Anakin's bunny slippers and carving his name into the door frame as we speak...


End file.
